Intrusive Thoughts: Fear and Function
When my oldest was little, he had a lovie that we called “Blue Lovie.” He had a second lovie, that was exactly the same with the exception of it’s color. He called this second lovie, “Stewart,” which always seemed funny to me - the fact that one had a descriptor and the other a name.
Anyway, I digress. The point is, he loved Blue Lovie. It went everywhere with him and was the fourth member of our family for a while.
Around this time, on a long drive home from Western NY back to VA we were crossing a bridge. Under the bridge a river raged with springtime snow-melt-runoff. I remember him asking, “If I threw Blue Lovie into that river, would we be able to get him back?”
“No, sweetie, I don’t think so,” I replied.
I wondered how my 3 year old got to this line of thinking and what concepts he might be testing out. We talked more about it, and about how safe Blue Lovie was with him in the car, and in his arms, at that moment.
I’ll never know exactly what my son was trying to understand or express, but it seemed something akin to an intrusive thought. I was well acquainted with my own, adult versions of intrusive thoughts, but I was struck by the realization that this was my 3 year old’s likely version. Somehow, it made the experience seem all the more ubiquitous and human.
So what is an intrusive thought, and how is it different from other types of thought patterns?
An intrusive thought is a distressing thought that seemingly comes out of nowhere, but is contextually driven. It is usually related to the situation at hand, but is not likely (sometimes not possible) to occur. It is unpleasant and can be quite disturbing.
Intrusive thoughts are what we call “ego-dystonic” which means that they are events that we do not want to occur. They go against our sense of self, our “ego.” This is the nature of the distress they cause. For example, “I don’t want to lose my beloved Blue Lovie, but I am aware of that possible (although unlikely) risk in my current context,” said no 3 year old, ever.
These thoughts are different from recurring worries (ruminations) or chronic fears/phobias. They are also different from “worst case scenario” thinking, as that follows a certain line of thought pattern. Unlike these, intrusive thoughts have a sudden and shocking quality to them. This can be so intense that it may require deliberate integration of coping strategies to shift attention and reorient to the present.
It’s important to distinguish intrusive thoughts from flashbacks, which are also intrusive. With flashbacks, the person suddenly re-experiences an event that has already occurred. It’s also more difficult for the person to differentiate between past and present, and it feels like the event is unfolding once again. Flashbacks are based in reality, although not the present, and are associated with traumatic experiences.
It’s also normal to have concern over the content and intensity of intrusive thoughts. There’s often worry that something so distressing can be an indicator of something more psychologically serious, chronic, or pervasive. Here, it’s important to distinguish between psychosis and intrusive thoughts.
With psychosis, a person may experience sudden thoughts that are violent in nature, for example, but the individual 1) has difficulty or cannot distinguish between reality and the thought and/or 2) is not distressed by the thought and may have a delusion to accompany the thought. (This is called ego-syntonic, meaning, “with ego”).
So, to differentiate, as horrible as intrusive thoughts can be, if at the end of them we can say, “I know that isn’t real and I don’t want it to happen,” it’s a good sign.
If you’ve made it this far, and you’re still reading—amazing. Thank you. I’ve actually bored myself a little… To sum up, intrusive thoughts are:
Sudden/out of nowhere
Distressing (ego-dystonic)
Somewhat related to the context, even if it’s the broader context
Here’s the thing about intrusive thoughts—
Underneath all that terror that they depict, they could be our psyche showing us what’s important to protect—remember that unlikely quote from the three year old above who was worried about his lovie? In that example 1) he loved his lovie and 2) he didn’t want anything bad to happen to it, which would have been distressing. He wanted to protect lovie and his brain was showing him a scenario in which that would not have been possible.
Yes, intrusive thoughts are anxiety inducing. But on some level they can point to what we want to protect, what’s important to us, and what we fear harm coming to. Admittedly, they are an upsetting way of remembering these truths.
So, if we separate the psychological noise of the thought by recognizing it as such, (“it’s just a thought”) and come back to our original sense of self (ego: “I’m a loving parent”, “I’m a protective mother”, “I’m in the present moment”), we may have better success at managing these. In this way, intrusive thoughts are kind of like taking a thing that we value and distorting it through a pretty upsetting psychological kaleidoscope.
Intrusive thoughts are extremely common and I haven’t met anyone who hasn’t had one in their lifetime. That said, when they occur frequently, severely, and interfere with day to day life, they can be linked to OCD and should be addressed with a mental health professional. If that’s you, please know that you’re not alone and there is help. Here is a link with really great resources on the topic: https://iocdf.org/ocd-finding-help/other-resources/
Wishing you all kinds of goodness and peace. Thanks for reading.
Until next time,
-Kristin
