The Highly Sensitive Mother
There are so many aspects of becoming a parent that we just don’t know, can’t know, until we’re in it. And that makes sense, in large part because even if we “knew” with one child, we wouldn’t know with the next. This experience is especially humbling, however, when we feel depleted in our bodies by the experience of mothering. What’s worse, is when we don’t get the sense that other mothers feel this, or at least not to the same degree. I’m talking next level overstimulation with our one child, but Sherry down the street with 5 kids seems non-plussed, what’s the deal?
Maybe you’ve noticed that the noise the sound machine makes actually aggravates you, or at least, for goodness sake, can someone please turn the volume down?
Maybe when your baby smiled at you for the first time it felt like your heart was going to explode with love.
Maybe your aunt just gave your baby a toy train, you know, the one that says, “ALL ABOARRRRRD,” at a level that makes you feel like your nerves have caught fire.
Maybe you take in the complexity of the sunset, in its array of colors, and it makes you feel connected to something larger than yourself and simultaneously grounded.
Or, you go from docile to 1980 Mt. St. Helen level eruption if one more person makes one more request of you. At the end of the day, even a normal day, you feel entirely zapped. The only remedy is silence, dim light, and comfy clothes.
My friend, you might just be a highly sensitive person (HSP). (Please pursue resources to determine on your own).
HSPs tend to be more attuned to subtleties in their environment—textures, sounds, smells, moods, tones. They feel deeply and are emotionally moved by art and nature. They are generally imaginative and creative people. This isn’t just a psychological state of being, but a physical one as well—HSPs typically require lower dosages of medication because their nervous systems cannot metabolize higher doses without spinning out into some side effect.
So what does this mean for motherhood?
It means it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. No one’s mothering experience is, not even Sherry’s down the street, but the susceptibility of overstimulation that comes with being an HSP can make things harder at times.
The implications of this are that HSPs
Would do well to know which sensory triggers deplete them and which enliven them
Use this knowledge to protect themselves as much as is reasonably possible, and, likewise, refill their spirit as much as is reasonably possible
Not judge themselves for being built different.
After all, there are advantages to this.
For instance, HSPs are great at attunement. That means they can sense the internal state of another being pretty well. When we link this trait and the following features of attachment: seen (attunement), soothed, safe, secure, we see that being an HSP can be advantageous when it comes to building a relationship with a child (or anyone). Typically, an HSP is also great at soothing a child in distress due to their depth of feeling and capacity for empathy.
Mothering is not for the faint of heart. I would say that it is not faintness of heart that HSPs possess. In fact, I think they’re actually quite courageous to show up in this cacophonous world with so much heart, to love another being that will also be subject to all the fallacies of this life, and to accept that they cannot always fix the hardship suffered by their loved ones. That’s pretty damn brave.
If you’re interested in learning more about this trait, check out Dr. Elaine Aron’s website:
https://hsperson.com/about-dr-elaine-aron/
She’s written a few books on this topic and has tons of resources on her webpage, including a quick assessment you can take to determine if this description fits your experience.
As always, wishing you wellness and warmth,
-Kristin
